Donating a kidney to a stranger

Cori Tonjes met Scott Fraser for the first time Monday. Today she will save his life.

Sometime around noon at Sanford Transplant Center, Dr. Anatolie Usatii will remove a healthy kidney from Tonjes' body and transplant it into Fraser's. When they leave the hospital, the donor and recipient will return to their own families and their own lives.

"If we happen to exchange Christmas cards or something like that, that's great," Tonjes said.

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Tonjes is a healthy, 42-year-old Sioux Falls woman with a husband and two children, ages 14 and 12. She works as a pharmacy program administrator and is applying to the nursing program at South Dakota State University. She's never donated blood but is no stranger to surgical knives: Both children were born by Caesarean section and she once had abdominal surgery.

Fraser, a 50-year-old married father of four from Dakota Dunes, hasn't been healthy for years. A former financial analyst, his failing kidneys forced him to stop working and start painful dialysis treatment five years ago.

He signed onto the list for a cadaveric kidney transplant when family members proved a poor fit for his O-negative blood type, but he searched for a live donor at the same time.

One Web site, matchingdonors.com, works like a dating site: Sick people post photographs and information about themselves and their illnesses, and altruistic donors choose a recipient. A few people contacted Fraser through the site, but the Avera Transplant Institute rejected the donors.

"Avera had a big problem with taking people from the Internet. ... They just didn't like the idea," Fraser said.

An Avera spokesman wouldn't speak to Fraser's case but said the mere fact that a donor was discovered online would not disqualify her.

Fraser switched to Sanford and kept looking for donors through the Web site and a University of Toledo program that matches families; his son had agreed to donate a kidney to a stranger if that person's family member donated to Fraser.

Fraser again found a match but Sanford's negotiations with the Toledo hospital dragged on until Toledo gave up, he said.

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"I got real frustrated then," he said.

Fraser had heard a story about a patient who found a donor by placing an ad on a billboard. He figured he couldn't afford a billboard, but a newspaper ad might work.

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He paid $600 for a 3-by-5 inch ad, which ran in the April 1 Argus Leader on page 5A.

"I need to get back to work," it read, in part. "A new kidney would vastly improve my family's situation. Please help if you can." A news story about Fraser ran the following day.

"I was just amazed by the response," Fraser said.

40 responses

About 40 people called the phone number in the ad. No one asked anything in return - it's illegal to sell an organ - and most of the callers at least started testing to see if they could donate, he said.

"It was unbelievable. People from all types and all races came forward."

Some callers spoke with Fraser at length. Tonjes was brief. She called about a week after reading the ad, after researching kidney transplants, and said she hoped he'd find a donor, whether it would be her or someone else.

"It was only a minute maybe," she said.

They didn't speak again until Monday when they both were in Sioux Falls getting their final tests. A nurse told Tonjes that Fraser wanted to meet her.

They were in a small conference room when Tonjes extended her arm for a handshake.

"I asked if I could give her a hug and I guess I cried on her shoulder," Fraser said. "It was emotional."

Until that meeting, Tonjes avoided talking to Fraser on purpose. She didn't want to complicate things in case some medical problem canceled the surgery. But she was happy to receive the hug.

"That was nice," she said.

Live donors

For Sanford, which has transplanted kidneys for two and a half years and has done 10 this year, today's will be the first involving two living strangers. Usatii had performed one elsewhere during a fellowship.

Live donors always are questioned about their motives, but doctors are particularly concerned when a donor doesn't know the recipient.

"We certainly need to be very careful with that," Usatii said.

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But the doctor said he has no preference for who donates, "as long as the donation occurs for the right reason."

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Easier with stranger

Tonjes said that her not knowing Fraser might make it easier on both of them. She won't be around when her organ's new owner eats unhealthy food.

"I kind of almost think this is easier because you don't have that emotional relationship with somebody, you don't have that history," Tonjes said.

Tonjes' friend first showed her the newspaper ad and commented on how sad it was.

"My first reaction was, 'Well, I'm O-positive,' and my second reaction was, 'I can help this guy,' " she said.

Her husband first wondered why she would do such a thing, but he's been supportive since. Close friends and other family members have been awestruck.

Tonjes insists she's never doubted her decision.

Fraser's illness has been physically painful and has stolen his opportunity to provide for his family. His final round of dialysis was at home Wednesday, and he plans to be working again within two months.

Tonjes' remaining kidney will grow larger to make up for the transplanted organ, and she should be back to work in two weeks.

"I've never had any doubts. I'm not nervous about it. I'm feeling great and excited," she said. "I wish more people would consider it."

Reach Josh Verges at 331-2335.