How to care for your elderly parents

Mark Kanny

Apr. 27, 2009 (McClatchy-Tribune Regional News delivered by Newstex) -- Common sense isn't enough when dealing with complex legal and medical issues, such as the ones that senior citizens and their assisting family members will face sooner or later.

"The 250 Eldercare Questions Everyone Should Ask" by Lita Epstein (Adams Media, $10.95) is intended for children dealing with their parents. It is hard-nosed about legal issues such as financial and medical decision-making and estate planning, but is sensitive to ways of discussing issues parents usually don't discuss with their children as well as elders' feelings of threatened autonomy.

Epstein offers good short definitions of important concepts such as durable power of attorney, various forms of trusts, informed consent, and Do Not Resuscitate orders.

Some advice:

--Handle resistance to eldercare questions by framing them in terms of your concerns about hypothetical but common situations, such as a medical emergency involving loss of consciousness.

--When dealing with difficult issues, move on to another issue if your parents give you two "no" responses -- but remember to come back to it.

--Turn to a social worker or senior counselor for assistance if an elder is intransigent about talking or sharing information for planning.

--Do not fail to seek legal, financial and medical advice from professionals recommended by people you know and trust, or by professional associations such as the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants.

--Don't be afraid to ask to see documents. Bills, checkbooks, multiple sources of income, insurance policies and debts must be brought into the equation.

--Carefully examine the upfront costs of reverse mortgages.

--Review insurance options for long-term care and to cover medical costs not covered by Medicare.

--Be sure there is a valid will.

--Include the elder in discussions about their care, even when they have reduced competence.

Mark Kanny can be reached via e-mail or at 412-320-7877.

Newstex ID: KRTB-0288-34442086